Why Being Kind at Work Isn’t Soft. It’s Science.
I’ve been thinking about powerlessness lately.
Not in a dramatic way. Just the quiet kind that creeps in when the world feels too big and your corner of it feels too small. The kind that makes leaders go through the motions. Show up, run the meeting, send the email, go home.
Here’s what I keep coming back to: the small moments aren’t small.
What your brain is actually doing
When you do something kind for another person, something interesting happens. Your brain’s pleasure and reward centers activate as if you were the one receiving the good deed. Researchers at Emory University documented this. They call it the “helper’s high.”
It’s not a metaphor. Engaging in altruistic behavior triggers a release of neurochemicals associated with well-being. Acts of kindness have been linked to the release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, the hormones and neurotransmitters associated with bonding, euphoria, and mood regulation.
The effect isn’t lasting from a single act, which is the part most people miss. A one-time gesture won’t carry you through the week. Acts of kindness have to be repeated to produce lasting benefit. That’s not a flaw in the research. That’s the whole point. It’s a practice, not a transaction.
What this has to do with leading people
Here’s where it gets relevant for leaders specifically.
The positive effects of kindness extend beyond the person giving and the person receiving. Research from Stanford shows that people who simply witness a kind act are more likely to pay it forward, creating a domino effect that can improve the day of many people around them.
You set the tone whether you intend to or not. The way you acknowledge someone in the hallway. Whether you actually listen in a one-on-one or just wait for your turn. Whether you say thank you and mean it.
Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson has spent decades studying what makes teams perform. Her research on psychological safety keeps coming back to the same thing: a positive team climate, built through frequent supportive behaviors by leaders, is the most important driver of whether people feel safe enough to take risks, share ideas, and do their best work.
Not the strategy. Not the org chart. The daily behavior of the person at the front of the room.
The thing leaders underestimate
Researchers have found that people who perform acts of kindness consistently underestimate how much it means to the person on the receiving end. We minimize the impact of what we do. We wonder if it matters. We talk ourselves out of it.
It matters. The research is clear on this.
Studies out of UC Berkeley found that after helping others, half of participants reported feeling stronger, more energetic, calmer, less depressed, and more confident in their own worth. Those aren’t soft outcomes. Those are the conditions that make a leader effective.
So what do you actually do
Nothing complicated. The thank you to someone who stayed late. The question that shows you remembered what someone told you last week. Putting the phone down when someone walks into your office.
These aren’t leadership tactics. They’re human ones. The research just confirms what most of us already know: how we treat people in the small moments adds up to something real.
For your team, it adds up to safety. For you, it adds up to energy.
That’s worth something.
Jason Michael is a leadership coach and consultant at The Grow Point, helping people-first leaders get clarity on what’s stuck and find a path forward.
